I found myself looking over my body which lay on the floor surrounded by wood debris from our collapsed house. I saw Noah under a large pile of wood, including a heavy beam, I did not know if he was alive or dead. I watched Andegelica and Hanihah looking for me in all the debris. They finally found my body and checked to see if I was alive or not. Was I dead? Andegelica looked like she was trying to revive me. I heard her yell, “Natara, come back to me. Stay with us. You’re going to be okay.”
“No Andegelica, let me go!” I screamed at her, but she did not hear me. Hanihah found Noah’s feet, and moved the some of the wood covering him and informed Andegelica he was dead.
Andegelica called to Hanihah, “Natara is still alive, but barely. It appears she lost the baby and probably passed out from losing so much blood. See if you can find a healer,” she pled, moving debris that surrounded me. She found a blanket and covered me to keep my body comfortable.
I wanted her to stop because I felt peace, yet some trepidation. I did not want to go back to my body; I hoped whatever was here was better than what I experienced in my body. I remembered what I said before leaving my body; I asked Jesus to come and heal me. No, I could not go to Jesus, I could not let him near me. I was evil; I did everything the prophets warned me against doing. Jesus would never accept me and heal me; in fact, he probably hated me.
With that thought, I spotted a beautiful angel standing beside me. She had long flowing medium colored hair, medium-colored eyes, and was taller and grander than me. Maybe it was the light and love she radiated that made her look so grand. “Who are you?” I curiously asked.
“I am Tamra, one of your angels and I’m here to take you to the light,” she kindly and lovingly responded. I had never felt so much love from a being. It was like she was made of love.
“Tamra. Haven’t I heard your name before?” I asked trying to remember where I heard her name.
“Yes. I was with you after you tried taking your life,” she replied and I remembered her kind voice.
“What happened? Where am I?” I asked feeling a bit confused at what was happening.
“You left your body and are in the world of spirits,” she responded with kindness and love. “Natara, turn around.”
I turned around and to my amazement, Patal and Nalaia were there! I screamed with excitement then I hugged my brother and sister. They were no longer children but grown spirits as big as Tamra and they also radiated light and love. I suddenly felt very self-conscious, remembering how good each of them was and what I did to Nalaia. I killed her! I ate part of her flesh. How could I face her? I immediately turned away from her and stared at Tamra with horror filling my eyes.
Nalaia came around, put her arm around me and said, “Natara, it’s okay. I have completely forgiven you. I’m happy here and have been able to help you and our family in ways I would not have been able to if I stayed in my physical body.”
“I’m so sorry, Nalaia,” I cried in anguish. Nalaia held me and Patal joined our hug.
Patal backed up and said, “Natara, we need to leave you now; Tamra will take you to Jesus to be healed.” He must have seen the panic in my eyes, then continued, “Natara, it’s okay. Jesus loves you. Always remember that. He wants you to come to him.”
I panicked and cried out, “I can’t go to Jesus! He won’t want me to come to him; I have been so horrendous.”
Nalaia took my hand and said, “Natara, he wants to see you. Go to him. He loves you.” I shook my head and Nalaia held me close. “Trust me, Natara, he loves you.”
I looked at Tamra, she smiled and nodded her head in agreement. “I’ll be with you.”
“After seeing Jesus, you’ll need to go back to your body,” Nalaia added. “It will be okay. There’s a purpose for you to be here and a purpose for you to return.”
I looked back down at my body and saw a beautiful older woman working on me, trying to bring me back. I really did not want to go back. “I’m not sure I want to go back to my body.”
“We’ll see you before you go back,” Patal said, giving me a big hug, then he and Nalaia were gone.
I looked at Tamra with trepidation and fear, not knowing what to expect. She took my hand and led me through a long tunnel radiating light and love. I wanted to stay in the tunnel; the pure love I felt was such a contrast from the hell I now understood I had been living. We walked basking in the love and light for what seemed to be several minutes, but time appeared different than when I was in my physical body, so I really do not know how long we walked. We did not talk out loud, but somehow, we communicated through love. I felt her love for me and felt a familiarity about her and thought maybe I knew her before. She led me through the beautiful tunnel with surety, confidence, and love. I knew she felt my fear so occasionally she squeezed my hand to give me assurance and confidence.
We reached the end of the tunnel and it opened into a beautiful place with plants and flowers created out of colors I had never before experienced and cannot even begin to describe. I heard music unlike music I had never hear. Roads were paved with striking gold, lined with other precious metals and crystals. I saw spirits moving around with purpose as if they were on a mission of some sorts; everyone appeared to be doing something important. After seeing the beautiful place, I wanted to turn around and go back into the tunnel; I did not feel worthy to be there. I had experienced beautiful things, the best the world had to offer while I lived in Dracova, but that was nothing compared to what I saw here. Tamra felt my hesitation and put her arm around me. Instinctively, I knew all would be well, but I felt stuck, not able to move forward.
“Natara, would you like to take your shoes off before entering Paradise?”
At once, I felt extreme weight engulfing my feet. I looked down and saw bulky, heavy shoes on my feet I had not noticed before. “What do I do?” I anxiously asked Tamra, not able to move forward or backward.
“The shoes represent your sins,” she replied. No wonder I could not move; I knew my sins were many as I felt the extreme weight on my feet. I looked around to see what Tamra called Paradise and in the distance, I saw a being radiating pure love and light and thought he might be Jesus. He looked at me, smiled, and held out his arms for me come like a parent would hold out his or her arms for a child. I looked again at the heavy, bulky shoes and knew I could not enter his presence with them on my feet.
I unexpectedly wanted to go to Jesus since I felt his overwhelming love for me. I tried to take the shoes off, but they were too awkward and heavy. Tears sprang from my eyes, as I contemplated my predicament and remembered all of my sins.
“Natara, let me help you take of your shoes,” Tamra pled, kneeling down to help me.
“No, I can’t go in there. You don’t know about me and how evil I am; I can’t go to Jesus!” I insisted, trying to move backward but was unable to. I looked again at Jesus and his arms were still outstretched to me with the greatest amount of love and light I had ever felt. I felt drawn to his love and a desire to run to him crept into me.
I looked at Tamra and then to Jesus; she looked at Jesus while she touched my shoes and they immediately melted off of my feet. I felt light; I could move again. I wanted to be with Jesus but felt so much guilt and shame. How could he accept me? How could he possibly love me? Tamra gently took my hand and led me into Paradise and toward Jesus. As we walked toward him, he walked toward us with the most loving and kind smile on his face and a twinkle in his deep blue eyes. I felt something very familiar about him and I again remembered the words of the prophet Aaron when he told me that Jesus could heal me. Could he really heal me and all of my sins from the last couple years? I wanted to be healed but the tremendous guilt and shame that I suffered caused me to stop, even though I saw his loving eyes. Jesus put His hand out toward me and said, “Come to me, Natara.” Forgetting all my shame and guilt, I ran to him and embraced him. He put his arms around me and said in the most kind and gentle voice, “Welcome home, Natara.”
I wept in Jesus’s embrace and savored in the love and light I felt from him. I moved away from him then I painfully sputtered out a confession and apology, “I’m so sorry. I made a mess of my life; I did not know. Yes, I did know but chose to be with Kylen. Can I ever be forgiven? No, I cannot be, I did too many awful things. I should not be with you. I need to leave.”
I tried to turn from Jesus, but he gently took my hand and asked with complete love and acceptance, “Natara, will you give me your heart?”
I thought for a few moments and responded, “I can’t. My heart is too damaged; it’s evil.”
He repeated, “Natara, will you give me your heart?”
I looked at Jesus and then at Tamra who gave me a barely perceptible nod.
“You don’t know all I’ve done. Jesus, I killed prophets. I laid with many different men, women, and children. I killed and ate my own sister!” I cried and fell into His outstretched loving arms again.
“I know, sweet Natara,” Jesus responded, smiling at me. “I know everything. Do you realize you aren’t completely responsible for what you did?”
I stared at Jesus in astonishment then asked, “How could that be?”
“You were set up for failure by evil and conniving men and women. They set you and your family up for depression so you would easily fall for Kylen and become enslaved into their trap.”
“Why didn’t you stop me?” I importuned to Jesus.
“Hurin tried to warn you, but Natara, you have a greater purpose to testify of me and the power of my healing, so you were allowed to experience hell. You chose this path before going to earth so you could help others understand and know I will heal them, if they come to me.”
I pondered what he said for a moment. I did not want to go back to my body. I wanted to stay with Jesus, Tamra, Patal and Nalaia; I felt love here, love unlike any other type of love I had experienced.
Jesus pointed to a large clear piece of crystal glass. He had me sit down on a comfortable marble seat and he sat next to me and pointed to the glass. Images began to appear, images from my pre-earth life. I saw myself sitting with Jesus and talking to him about my mortal mission. I remembered knowing how amazing Jesus was and how he was going to redeem us. I remembered telling Jesus I wanted to declare to everyone that he could heal them and could help them.
I watched when Jesus asked me if I would be willing to go into hell, then to be completely healed so I could testify to others that no matter what they did, they could be healed by him and be made whole and complete. I delighted in the opportunity to help others; I declared to him I was willing to go to hell if I could help one person come back to him and know they could be healed. Jesus clarified to me that part of my life would be hard; it would be hell, but I would not be left alone. He would send angels to help me and guide me, and to protect me. I remembered how excited I was for my mission, knowing I would go through difficult times, but I would be redeemed and healed and bring others to Jesus.
The picture on the glass changed to before I went to earth. I watched how Noah’s parents and others set my parents up to obtain the perfect baby to become their goddess. I saw when I was born, Noah, Miriam and others celebrated in secret. I watched Noah and Miriam set Kylen and me up, nurturing the friendship from the time we were babies. I watched Miriam make her delicious juice and how she added a poisonous herb to the juice. I saw how I subtly changed after drinking the juice and watched while Miriam increased the herb in the juice and how I reacted to it. I stared at Jesus in unbelief. He pointed back to the crystal glass. I was not sure I wanted to see more, but he put his arm around me and looked at the glass.
I watched how Royan had his way with me the night before my wedding and while Kylen had his way with a girl I did not recognize. I stared at Jesus unbelief. I saw how Noah and Miriam used various poisons from plants to manipulate me into their lifestyle and becoming their slave.
I saw how the poisons affected me. I watched demons enter my body and completely take over me. I saw how they made me kill my sister, defile prophets and children, lie with men, women, and children. I saw Noah, Kylen, Heth, Jeneesa and others laugh at me when I was not watching at how I thought I was a goddess and so important.
I felt foolish and embarrassed and exclaimed, “How could I have not known?” Jesus pointed back to the glass.
I watched Noah use me as a play toy, a slave, how he poisoned and tortured. To my horror, I relived parts of the hallucinations I had experienced. At this point, I noticed Jesus held my hand and I held it tight while I experienced the extreme torment of the images and all the pains of those I tortured and hurt. I fell to the ground racked with the pains of the hallucinations and the pains of all my sins. I wanted to die, but could not die. I wanted to hide, but could not hide. I felt like I was in hell and wanted to disappear from this unbearable existence.
I remembered something; I remembered what Aaron said and I looked up to Jesus with tears in my eyes, pleading for relief from the torment I was experiencing.
“Are you ready to give me your heart?” he asked.
“Jesus, please take my heart and heal it. Please take this torment from me,” I begged and pleaded with him.
Jesus put his sweet gentle hands on my head. I felt glorious, heavenly light and power infuse into my entire spirit body. I felt my heart burn and it enlarged with love for others I had never felt before. I felt a new lightness, love, radiance, joy, and peace! I even felt forgiveness for those who used me and harmed me and my family. I felt like I could conquer the world! I hugged Jesus and thanked him for healing me and allowing me to feel joy and peace again.
Jesus took me by both hands and looked directly at my eyes. I felt His love and joy but felt trepidation; I knew what he was about to ask me. “Are you ready to go back?”
“Do I really need to go back?” I implored, looking around and taking in all the beauty of this place. “I know I need to go back, but I want to stay here with you.
“Natara, you always have a choice. Consider your mission. The land where you live has changed; it’s been shaken up and many who inflicted you are now dead. They’re now being taught about me and Father’s plan of redemption. Many of them will have a price to pay for the wickedness they caused and of the spirits they hurt and destroyed. Natara, many were taken against their will and were poisoned and caused to commit heinous acts. Their souls, especially those of the children, are still pure before me. They need to know they are still whole, and they can be healed if they come to me.”
I thought about all the children we kept captive to use for our pleasure. I thought of all the children, and others, who were sacrificed to the idols we called our gods. They needed to know they were pure and they could be healed. I looked at Jesus with determination and resolve, “I will go back.” I paused, thinking for a few moments and asked, “Will I remember Paradise and remember being with you?”
“You will remember some of your experiences and parts will fade from your memory until you return to be with me again,” Jesus responded with kindness. “When you unite with your body, you’ll experience severe withdrawals from the poisons you’ve receive. Esther, the healer, has been uniquely prepared to help you through the shakes and pain you will need to experience.”
I contemplated what he said; I knew how awful the withdrawals could be, but knew with his help, I could overcome them.
Jesus looked at me and smiled then asked, “Before going back, would you like to explore Paradise, and then see what will happen after you go back?”
“Yes!” I cried out with pure delight.
“Tamra will take you to see some of your ancestors and others; then bring you back here,” Jesus happily responded. He embraced me, expressed his love for me, and said he looked forward to having me in his presence again.
Tamra took my hand and led me through the golden streets lined with plants and trees which were beyond worldly description. Glorious music filled the air and the plants seemed to sway with the music. Animals of every kind freely roamed the streets, and I was able to communicate with them. My favorite horse from when I was a young girl and died in a tragic accident came up to me. I squealed in delight and hugged the horse and she thanked me for taking good care of her. Everyone waved at me and many came to talk to me. I saw my grandparents and other ancestors I remembered from the pre-earth life. The prophet Noah came to me and congratulated me for accomplishing the worst part of my mission. Adam and Eve came to me and hugged me and thanked me for helping many of their sons and daughters come back to Jesus. Their confidence in me helped inspire courage in me to go back.
Tamra and I enjoyed walking around and visiting with others but eventually she said, “Natara, we need to go back to Jesus now.”
I looked at her with longing in my eyes. I wanted to stay and bask in the love I felt, then I remember the imploring look in Eve’s eyes and remembered the courage I felt while in her presence. “I’m ready,” I finally responded.
When we returned to Jesus’ presence, he greeted me with a large smile and a hug. We sat down and he pointed to the glass and said, “Look.”
I watched with some trepidation remembering what I had seen before. This time I saw hundreds of people who died when the earth shook, even Kylen. I looked at Jesus and he nodded. I saw hundreds of people who were hurt and who were starving, wandering aimlessly, not knowing where to go. I saw prophets and other spiritual leaders who fed and healed many people. An image of the people we took into slavery to satisfy our need and to help make us wealthy showed on the glass. I saw the pain and fear in their eyes, their terror and their hopelessness. They were free after the earth shook yet were lost. They did not know where to go; they had been beaten and broken and most wished they had died during the shaking. I immediately exclaimed, “Jesus, I need to go and help them. I’m ready to go back now.”
He smiled at me and pointed to the screen. I saw an angel of light, Hanihah, leading many who were lost to my parents. I saw myself greeting them with love and kindness; offereing them hope and healing. Most were afraid of me, but when they started going through the drug withdrawals and their bodies shook, I held their hands and put cool cloths on their foreheads. They began to recognize something different about me; I was not the same person who enslaved them and used them.
I watched the prophet Aaron and others teach the people that I had been healed by Jesus and I had a message for them. I watched myself teach the people about Jesus Christ and what they needed to do be healed and to become whole. The terror and hopelessness disappeared from their eyes as hope and love surrounded them and they opened themselves to be healed by Jesus.
“I’m ready,” I solemnly and resolutely declared. “I want to go back and help them.”
Jesus pointed back to the screen. I watched while I, and others, taught the people, especially the children, about Jesus Christ. I saw children who were brutally abused become whole again. I saw light come back into faces, light that had been darkened from severe abuse, even by me.
I looked at Jesus and asked, “How?” I was ready to go back and help, but still had a hard time coping with the overwhelming emotions of how injured and beaten so many young and tender souls. Jesus pointed back to the glass.
I watched a baby born in a cave surrounded by animals. I immediately felt sorrow for the mother and the baby born in such crude circumstances, but saw light and angels surrounding the young family. The animals were reverent as they witnessed the birth of the Son of God. I looked at Jesus and he smiled back at me.
I saw the baby grow to be a man and watched a prophet named John baptize him in a river. He called twelve apostles to help him and he taught the people how to live, to have hope, faith, and peace. I watched him heal a blind man, raise a young girl from the dead, heal lepers, and others who were disfigured. I watched him heal a young woman who was very similar to me, having many scars on her skin from the various people she lay with. I witnessed the countenance in her eyes completely change from hopelessness and despair to absolute hope and faith.
I saw many people follow the man and change their lives because of his teachings and his healing powers, but I also observed many who mocked and vilified Him and desired to kill him. I did not understand why they wanted to kill him. He only wanted to help the people, to heal them and teach them how to find peace and joy in their lives. How could they want him dead for bringing hope and light to the people? Afterall, he was the son of God fulfilling his earthly mission to save the world.
I saw Jesus at the temple when he chased out those who bought and sold children for sacrifice and slavery and then I understood why so many hated him. He sought to destroy their secret works.
I saw Jesus with His twelve apostles in a private room while he carefully and gently washed their feet with a deep sense of love in his eyes. I looked astonished because he was the son of God, I thought they should have washed His feet. I observed light and power go from his hands into each apostles’ feet as he washed them.
I watched Jesus tear apart bread, bless it, then pass to each apostle to eat. He blessed some wine and gave each some to drink. I saw light emanate from the bread and wine to elevate the light and power of each apostle, but one. I watched one apostle leave the room. Why did he leave? I still did not understand but kept watching the unfolding scene in front of me.
I watched Jesus walk into a garden of olive trees. I witnessed the weight of the world mercilessly and ruthlessly crushing down upon him. I looked back at Jesus with tears falling from my eyes wondering how he could have endured the weight of all our sins. I even thought I saw a tear in his eye. I turned back to the screen, even though I did not really want to. I watched as Satan himself, mocked and taunted him and completely abused him. I saw all the forces of hell attempt to destroy him as he bled drops of blood from every pore. I wept when Jesus cried out for help and then watched an angel descend to him and hold him as the weight of all the pains, sins, the injustices, the abuses, the sicknesses and diseases, and all the horrors of this world fell upon him. I closed my eyes during this part of the scene knowing my many sins contributed to his suffering. Even through all the horrific pains and sorrows Jesus experienced, I always saw love and light radiating from him. How could he feel so much love when he was being beaten down almost to death? Yet, I saw love.
I watched Jesus finally stand up in an extreme depleted state and weakly stagger to his apostles only to be greeted with a kiss by the one who left the room; he betrayed Jesus. I watched the soldiers take him and beat him so severely that his flesh was torn so horrendously that I could see his muscles and bones; even then, I saw love in his eyes, even love for those who had just brutalized him. I witnessed evil men demanding the Roman leader crucify him and they did not cease until the leader finally acquiesced.
I looked at Jesus, “Why?” He looked back at the glass.
I watched Jesus falter as he attemped to carry the heavy crossbeam of his fated death through the city even though His body was too weak and battered to carry it. After collapsing to the ground, another man who saw his anguish, picked it up and carried it for him to the hill where he would be crucified. I screamed in terror when they hammered large nails into his hands, wrists, and feet, then lifted his battered and bleeding body up to hang. I felt his agony as he tried to find some comfort and relief upon the cross, but none was to be found. Yet, I still saw love, joy, and peace in his anguished eyes.
I witnessed the intense agony in his mother’s face, watching her beloved son cruelly and painfully hang from the cross, yet a sense of peace filled her eyes like she knew this was why he was born. I felt angels from heaven and earth surround her and comfort her.
I watched, thick black clouds cover the sky and it became darker than midnight. Once again, Satan unleashed his minions to torture Jesus. They mocked him saying if he were truly the son of God, to save himself. The torment was more than I could watch. How could Jesus endure this never-ending anguish? In the midst of the darkness and the wrath, I saw a small light on Jesus’ head. It was a small finger. Who placed a finger of light on his head? Did the small bit of light give him strength to endure?
I watched Jesus’ spirit finally and mercifully depart his body. He was immediately greeted by a joyful Heavenly Mother and Father. I witnessed the outpouring of love and joy from them when they greeted their son back to their presence. I watched them escort Jesus to the world of spirits where many prophets and apostles, and other righteous men and women who had already lived on the earth excitedly greeted him. Jesus organized them into groups, similar to how our church was organized on earth, but with greater perfection.
The awaited moment came that everyone for centuries had waited for, had prophesied about, had visions of. Jesus’ spirit descended back to his body, forever reunited with it. His body immediately came to life and transformed from an earthly body to a body glowing with light and power beyond the ability of description. He was resurrected! Tears of joy sprang down my face and I hugged Jesus and the others who were around me.
“That’s why,” I excitedly exclaimed to Jesus while memories of teaching in the pre-earth life came flooding to me. “You did this because you love us! You did this because you didn’t want us to suffer like you did! You want all people to come to you and you can and will give them any type of relief they need! You suffered all things so you could help us and heal us! You even suffered what I’ve dealt with the last couple years. You know exactly how I felt and what I now feel. You know how to help all who come to me and my family for help and healing.” I finally paused my oration and gave Jesus a big hug. “Thank you, Jesus. Now I’m ready to go back. I’m ready to help bring those I hurt back to you so they can be healed.”
“There is one more event I want to show you,” Jesus smiled mentioned, motioning for me to look back at the glass. This time I saw myself with my family, smiling and laughing and enjoying being with them. I saw some children, all covered in mud, come happily running up to me, calling me Mother, and demanding my attention.
I gasped and looked at Jesus in pure shock and delight. He laughed while we watched the children, my children, grab my hands with their muddy little fingers and take me to show me a big mud house they built, giggling in delight at their creation.
“I can have children? Someone will love me and want to be with me, despite my past?” I hesitantly but hopefully asked.
“Absolutely, my dearest Natara,” Jesus responded with a huge smile and then gave me a big hug. “It’s time to go back, but remember, it won’t be easy. You’ll need to experience the poison withdrawals in order to help others through their withdrawals.”
“I’ll do that; please protect me; I’ve been through withdrawals and know the extreme pain and evil hallucinations which occur with it. But after seeing what you will go through, what I will do is nothing.”
“Natara, never belittle your trials or others’ trials. They’re your trials to overcome. Each person is different. Bring hope to each person, no matter their trial. My sweet Natara, you’ll be protected. You’ll have the power and the strength to overcome the withdrawals and everything else you’ll experience. Esther has many herbs to help you and others who come to you. The herbs will help to minimize the symptoms and to greatly decrease the duration. I love you, Natara. I’m glad you came to visit.”
“I love you too, Jesus.”
Tamra took my hand and we walked toward the tunnel from where we came. Natalia and Patal waved good-bye to me. Tamra gave me a big hug and said, “I’ll always be with you, Natara.”
Suddenly I felt a cool cloth on my forehead, I tried opening my eyes but was not able to. I felt my fingers and then slightly moved them.
“She’s back,” I heard Andegelica excitedly scream in delight. “Tell Esther to come immediately!”